After spending nearly 2 weeks detoxing and reaching a point where i felt really good and was happy with how I was looking, in typical ’sam’ style, i have gone and f**ked it up.
I went down to Somerset this weekend and was looking forward to it. Got a couple of days off work, kids were with their dad all weekend and it was supposed to be a gorgeous weekend. I was looking forward to doing a bit of sunbathing, catching up with friends and generally relaxing with a couple of pints here and there.
I’m now back, and feel that I’ve wasted a whole weekend of my life as I can’t remember hardly anything and I’ve really paid for it. It has cost me a fortune, my foggy head is back after it taking about a week to clear on the detox. I am feeling pretty lousy again and have been a complete knob with my mates, most of them know me well and are forgiving of my many shortfalls, some however are not and i feel terrible. I won’t go into the details of my behaviour because what I can remember, I’m too ashamed to publish on the web.
The thing that makes it worse, is although I do binge drink when I go out and go over the top, i only go out 2 or 3 times a month, this is the only side of me they see and even though I don’t even live down there and only go down every couple of months, I’ve already got a bad reputation.
Why can’t I restrain myself to just having a few drinks and enjoying myself, as when I get hammered, i don’t enjoy myself, i just end up regretting it. Why do I do this to myself? How does a person be able to get a point during the night and say ‘no more, I’ve had enough’ without that point being them physically being unable to drink due to them lying in the gutter
June 12th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Hey Sam, sorry it didn’t go as well as you had hoped.
I must admit that, although I said nothing, I couldn’t understand why you immediately went out drinking after spending so long and so much effort on the detox.
I think you may have to ask yourself some questions about what you get out of drinking, whether you still want to get whatever it is, and if so whether drink is the right way to get it any more. I’d not be too surprised if you find out that drinking is now more of a habit than anything else.
I’m not really in a position to advise, as I’ve never been one to enjoy getting wasted, or even drunk. But, if I were to offer a thought, it’d be to become T-total. I’d imagine it’s easier than trying to moderate. It’s so easy to just think ‘oh, one more is OK’ and bam - you’d be wasted before you know it. Just saying no for all of it would be difficult, but I’d expect it to work better.
Getting a reputation isn’t good - but it’s something you can change. As you’ve said, they only see you when you’re out and your intention is to get drunk. Drunk people do silly things, so of course you’re likely to get a silly (and undeserved) reputation because you’re only showing one side of yourself. But, visit them, don’t be drunk, and your reputation will soon change
Don’t worry about it too much, but I think you’re doing the right thing by at least asking yourself questions.
June 12th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Hi matt,
Thanks for your comment. After being pregnant a couple of times, and spending some time being tee total, I don’t think I could do it by choice.
I tried going out and not drinking and was just very bored. I get bored quite easily. I also don’t like being drunk. I do like the warm fuzzy relaxed feeling after about 2 or 3 pints and would really like to be able to limit myself to this.
I don’t know if it is habit, but it definitely is escapism. I do get the same escapism when I go jogging and ‘zone out’ but without the social aspect. It’s also a lot more effort.
June 12th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Hi Sam,
I’ve been battling with that dilemma too. Although my reputation is for being a clown, dancing around or maybe even dropping my pants. I’m a happy drunk you see.
However my hangovers are extreme and I (and my housemates do too) sit around on a sunday in complete depression.
What we’ve been doing lately is going out late on a friday - say about 10. So onfriday I got to the gym and then go out for a few drinks and I’m fit for saturday. We haven’t tackled saturday night yet but I think we might take the same approach.
Go out late and come home early is the key if you can’t trust your thirst.
The other factor driving my need to take it easy is cash. Last saturday/sunday I rolled in at 04.50 am after having spent 130 Euro. Not good when I’m paying rent and mortgage.
Try the going out late thing - it works (on friday anyway).
Phil
June 12th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
I’m normally a happy drunk phil, but recently I’ve been getting to the stage where I’m virtually a passed out drunk and the memory loss is a big problem. Don’t seem to have the hangovers at the moment though.
It’s ok while you’re enjoying yourself, it’s time to take stock it is becoming a problem and you can’t remember if you enjoyed yourself or not. Big waste of money!
June 12th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
So what you’re really saying is that for you alcohol is escapism, and escapism is what you feel you are after.
Fair play, everyone wants to escape from things sometimes - but do you feel that it is working well for you? I know that some people have big issues they want to escape from, and others just want to forget the daily drudge for a while. I don’t know which category you might think you fit into, and I don’t suppose it’s really that important, but it might be worth considering what it is you’re trying to escape from and whether there’s a different way to deal with it (or even whether it’s still relevant).
The trouble with escapism is it’s temporary. In the case of having a drink it doesn’t even last as long as the hangover (which you say you get despite best intentions), and nor does it solve any ‘problems’ either. You just wake up having spent money, got a headache, and with the same issues facing you. Perhaps it is better to change tactic?
I don’t know, my experience is certainly limited, but purely from a cold hard logic standpoint, I feel it’s better to change things than forget or avoid things. Not easy, but more effective.
Getting bored for example - there has to be more than drinking to not be bored. Running is good, but as you said that misses the social aspect, and it takes effort. So why not try something social that doesn’t involve drinking? The nice thing about that is that if you like the people enough, the ‘effort’ bit disappears. Motivating yourself for a jog is hard because there’s no draw to it, but who needs to work at wanting to socialise with good people?! And why should hanging around good people involve drinking at all?
My own social life isn’t exactly blistering, but I really enjoy hanging out with friends at the coffee house. Or just chatting at home about stuff. Or going for a walk with our cameras. For me it’s always about who I’m with, not so much what we’re doing, or where we are. Or even whether we’re having a laugh or not. Sometimes its nice just to be around other people and have a conversation, or even just to hang around without the conversation (chilling on a beach for example).
My own escapism is in music, I can put on a track and be happy, be reflective, be energised, be relaxed, be sad, be anything and anywhere but where I actually am. The nice thing with music is the lack of a hangover.
You’ll figure it out.
June 15th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Don’t be too hard on yourself, we’re all only human! But, if it’s a real worry, you have to be really firm with yourself when you go out - when you get to the warm & fuzzy stage, just try hard to take a break from drinking for a little while by switching to J2Os or something similar.